What is the point? The point is time is YOUR precious resource. Time allows you to learn a skill and advance in your career, time allows you to earn money and to take a break away from earning that money on a vacation. Time is what you give (I hope) to your friends, family and other loved ones. I hope you take some time for yourself too!

 

I repeat time is YOUR resource. YOU decide what to do with your time. Many of the people in your life have strong ideas about how you should use your time. “You should go to this class” or “You should come with us on this outing” or “You should spend more time….” I think you get the picture.  Think of it this way, do you routinely just open up your checkbook and hand it to anybody and say, “Go ahead, write whatever checks you want for however much you want?” Probably not. (But if you do, please let me know.)

 

We have all heard the stories about ‘bucket lists’ (things to do before you die also known as kicking the bucket) and of people making huge changes in their lives when faced with near death experiences or terminal illness. Why wait? Each day could be your last. This is far less morbid than you think, in fact it is truly freeing. If each day you spend your time as-if it were your last day on earth, you would really understand your priorities and the value of your time. It would make decision making easier. Try it.It’s YOUR time, what are YOU going to do with it?

]]> http://blog.melonicoaching.com/?feed=rss2&p=1091 0 http://blog.melonicoaching.com/?p=1080 http://blog.melonicoaching.com/?p=1080#comments Tue, 24 Aug 2010 22:19:18 +0000 admin http://blog.melonicoaching.com/?p=1080

This month’s question is not uncommon. You are interviewing for a job that you really want (and possible also really need), you match MOST of the qualifications. What do you say about the areas where you are not a match? Of course this leads to internal conflict, lose the opportunity or misrepresent your skills and land the opportunity and then begin to panic over being ‘found out’?

Q) How much should I promise on a job interview? I worry that I will not be hired if I do not promise potential employers that I can do everything that they are asking for.

A) This is indeed a dilemma. Employers seem to ask for more and more. When you look at a job posting it seems like employers want us to be able to do everything; as-if we should be a one man (or one woman) band.

Those of you who have spent time with me (virtually or otherwise) know that I advocate taking the high road. You already know I will not say “Oh go ahead and tell them you can do it and then worry about it later.”  I have seen people do this and it generally ends badly. Sure there are some people who fake their way through their jobs, but MOST people do not do this successfully. I sit here now envisioning two people who I saw walked off the job (both separate instances at different employers) because they lied about their abilities and their experience.

But before you tell a future employer, “I cannot do that”, I ask you to do some soul searching and take inventory of your skills and your ability to be flexible and learn. Maybe you are being asked about a skill or a knowledge area that is not in your current bag of tricks, but is it a fit for you? Is it a skill or knowledge area that you believe you could acquire within a reasonable time period? (Hint do some research.)  If so go to the interview and move forward with confidence. Do not act as-if you already possess this skill or knowledge area (that would be lying), discuss the fact that it is something you have yet to do, but that you look forward to learning. Be willing to take responsibility for your own education and training in the area in question and say so. Whenever possible give an example of a prior situation where you learned a new skill on the job and discuss how you did it, and how it enabled you to support your employer.

Will this mean you get the job? It is possible that another person exists who was an exact match and they land the job. It is also possible that your honesty and your dedication to learning and your flexibility and your other skills will land YOU the job. Either way you walk away with your integrity.

Wow! I just met this person and here is what I know about him:

• He has worked at the same office for eighteen years
• He is single but has a girlfriend
• He does not like being mistaken for a nurse (he is a doctor)
• He lives a half mile away from his office
• He loves using the hand sanitizers at grocery stores and other locations

I spent a grand total of fifteen minutes with this person, perhaps even less. So to walk away with that much information is amazing. Maybe even a little bit overwhelming. This person was not a coaching client (in which case there is lots of sharing about each other occurring during a first meeting); I was seeing him to discuss some minor pain I have been experiencing.

I truly believe that all aspects of his conversation and information sharing with me was strategic, to help put me at ease. Yet I felt a little bit concerned, I almost wanted to ask him, “Wow, do you always tell people so much about yourself right away?” It sure was interesting.

Or maybe as a single man he does lots of speed dating? I am not implying that he was flirting or being anything less than professional; I just think he is used to giving people lots of information in a rapid and concise fashion.

What do YOU think?

Have you ever heard or read the term narcissurfing? Narcissurfing is a word which came into use over the past few years and is used to described someone who ‘Googles’ themselves to see where they appear and what is being said about them. Frequently narcissurfing is used with negative implications. Nobody wants to be called a narcissist. Yet there is absolutely a benefit to ‘Googling’ yourself. Remember knowledge is power.

Three travelers were on a tour when they became separated from the rest of the group. They found themselves alone in a strange area of a strange land. They each spoke a tiny bit of English but did not speak the language of the area and other then their little bit of English they did not share a common language. They did all agree that they were hungry and they agreed to pool their money to purchase some food. This is when the arguing began.

One traveler kept insisting on a specific food item, no one else wanted that item. Another traveler argued that the item he was suggesting was the most affordable. And so it went. Finally a man approached them. He explained to them that he was a linguist and that he understood what each was really saying. If they trusted him with the money he would bring them back exactly what they needed. Unable to resolve the issue among themselves they decided to trust him. After a short period of time the linguist returned to them with some bread and cheese. They were all astounded, because this was what each of them was demanding.

And this is when they realized that they had all been trying to communicate the same message; they simply did not know how to express it to one another. Each of them was saying “let’s get some bread and some cheese”, but they did not understand one another and in their frustration two of them became louder and more animated in their arguing and one of them completely withdrew.

There are certainly multiple messages in this story. Let’s take a look at three of them:

1. We work in a global marketplace and most of our workplaces are multicultural. You can take the above story at face value and recognize that many of us are now coming together from different heritages and we literally do not all speak the same language. Continued arguing, issuing demands and raising our voices will not help us break through the barriers. Using other tools, pictures, symbols, a linguist (or a facilitator) and a liberal amount of patience and trust will help us break through the barriers. In the story above our travelers were working together to solve the same problem and had even arrived at the same solution – they just did not know it and therefore became adversarial. What if they had trusted that each of them was working with one another and not against one another?
2. Even when we speak the same basic language we still don’t always share the same usage of that language. Do you remember when you were new at your company? You attended meetings and it felt like everyone around you was speaking a foreign language? They had acronyms for this and nicknames for that, it was very confusing. It felt like learning a new language and it did not help that when you tried the new language some people laughed at you when you got it wrong. How helpful it would have been if someone had taken the time to help you with the lingo of this workplace. How helpful it would be if you did that today when new co-workers join the team.
3. Even when we have worked with the same people for years and use the same language and the same acronyms and nicknames, we still have instances when we speak at each other or across one another. The more important the topic, the more likely we are to misunderstand one another. This is exactly the time when we need to go beyond our basic use of language and really make sure that when you and your colleagues say “bread and cheese” you all really mean a loaf of bread and some Gruyére ; not a grilled cheese sandwich.

Our travelers were lucky a linguist arrived on the scene to help them through their conflict. You may or may not fare so well. Most of us are tasked with being our own translators. Of course you are up to the task, just remember – do not assume that the same words have the same meaning to each of us and do not become frustrated when you and your co-workers do not use the same words to describe an outcome. Work to build the trust which will allow you to see past the language and toward the fact that you seek a common goal.

“There are three ways of dealing with difference: domination, compromise, and integration…”

This quote from Mary Parker Follett illustrates three of the most common ways to handle conflicts. What does this mean to us? Find out in this quick podcast and food for thought.

Some people believe that compassion and especially compassion in the workplace is a form of weakness. Perhaps they think that survival of the fittest in the corporate jungle leaves no room for something like concern for other people and their feelings. March ahead, take no prisoners!

Yet report after report shows us that those who have a high degree of emotional intelligence come out ahead at work. Empathy is an important part of emotional intelligence. To relate to others you need to be able to see things from their perspective. That means acknowledging that some of your actions could be causing them distress.

Consider active listening for a minute. To have successful communications with others we work to employ active listening. This involves really understanding what the other person is telling you, again trying to put yourself in their shoes.

It is difficult to successfully show empathy and active listening without the caring component; you know the part where you truly care about what this other person is experiencing?

Of course compassion is more than just understanding or acknowledging the feelings of others, it is going beyond and wishing to alleviate their suffering. If you continue to interact with others and as a leader or influencer do not try to improve their situation (where possible and appropriate) then quite frankly – you suck! (Yes I said and I meant it.)

It is easy to bury your head in the sand and ignore when others are having a difficult time; it is easy to make their difficulties their fault, to feel anger at them, to blame them for bringing difficulty upon themselves. It takes much more courage to step in and take action, to actively work to improve their situations.

Compassion in the workplace takes strength and courage. Or do you think that only weak people are the ones who are succeeding in today’s world?

The act of compassion begins with full attention, just as rapport does. You have to really see the person. If you see the person, then naturally, empathy arises. If you tune into the other person, you feel with them. If empathy arises and if that person is in dire need, then empathic concern can come. You want to help them, and then that begins a compassionate act. So I’d say that compassion begins with attention. – Daniel Goleman

It seems like some days the most difficult thing for us to give to others is our attention. We can give them quick answers, we can send them speedy emails and rapidly text them, but are we really paying attention to them? You know what it feels like, you stop by to share information with a team member and they don’t even look away from their computer. They don’t look up, they don’t make eye contact and the only answer you get from them is some monosyllabic grunt or an “I know” or “Ok, Ok.” You know that you will have to give them this information all over again later. It does not feel so great does it?

Now think of a time when someone really listened to you. They stopped working, they made eye contact with you and you knew that you had been heard. Now that is a terrific feeling.

If you do just one thing for your friends, families and co-workers today, try giving them your full attention at least once. You will all feel better.

Where should you spend your time, improving your weaknesses or getting even better at your strengths? Your strengths will carry you farther, your weaknesses will drain you of your energy. Go with your strengths.