Keeping the Peace

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” – Leo Buscaglia

Have you ever started to pay someone a compliment or to say something nice to them and then stopped yourself? Why did you stop? Did you think it seemed silly or too sentimental or that perhaps they had already heard what you had to say? Next time you have something nice to say to someone, let it fly! There are too many people who seem to think we need to hear all of their negative input. Being able to give and receive constructive criticism is part of our growth, but giving and receiving sincere praise is part of our growth too.

You do not always know when something you do or say will make someone’s day. And not in the cranky violent “Go ahead, make my day” way that Clint Eastwood made famous in his role as Harry Callahan. I mean in a positive, putting a smile on someone’s face, a spring in their step kind of way. (OK, my true fans of the Harry Callahan character will try to tell me, but he did mean put a smile on my face. Please, let it go. YOU know what I mean!)

Another way to think about this is to consider the fact that if you want to experience happiness; you need to be the source of happiness to others. That does not mean run around making insincere comments or gestures so that some type of happiness comes back to you. It means when you authentically offer up a kind word or a helpful action to others you too will experience positive feelings. In fact you might experience the benefits immediately. When someone turns to you and says, “Thanks that just made my day” or “Thanks I was really having a tough day and you just made me smile”; doesn’t your day get better too? I hope so!

Next time you have something nice to say to someone – go for it. So what if they have already heard it? It might just be the encouragement they need to get through a difficult day.

“We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee.” — Marian Wright Edelman

Accomplishing big achievements and meeting major milestones are events that are worth celebrating. How often have you reached these significant goals in one giant leap? Most of us get there one step at a time. Or at least you start out with some smaller steps. An idea forms in the back of your mind, maybe you spring into action right away or maybe your start is a bit tentative, then as the goal becomes more tangible, you can almost see it and touch it, you know it is within reach and your steps become larger and more confident. But don’t discount the value of those initial small steps. It is these first small steps that lead to great things.

Now let’s take a look at small steps or small actions from another perspective. What about the little things you do for other people? One day a friend of mine was walking down the street in a downtown area. A man stopped him and asked him if he could shine his shoes. He clearly needed money, but he would not accept the money without providing the shoe shine. My friend really did not need a shoe shine and really did not want to take the time for the shine, yet he saw the bigger picture. If he stopped and spared some time and money for the shoe shine, he could help someone in need. For my friend the choice was obvious. He stopped, he was a few minutes late to his meeting and his shoes were extra clean. He asked the man how much he owed him for the shoe shine. The man said whatever you want to pay is fine with me. My friend reached into his wallet and handed the man some money. The man jumped up and hugged my friend. Why? The amount of money exchanged was the exact amount that man needed to be able to pay for an evening at an inexpensive room and board location; it meant a night off the streets, a night in a bed and not on the sidewalk. To my friend it was a small transaction, to the man who shined his shoes it was a sign that his life was turning around.

Some weeks we accomplish big things, some weeks we don’t. Every step you take in the right direction counts, so keep moving forward. All the little things you do count. Whether it is on a work project, a personal project or the assistance you give to family or friends everything YOU do can and does MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

It sure is easy when everyone agrees with you and tells you what you want to hear. But sometimes what we want to hear is not what we NEED to hear. This is when you need a dose of conflict or opposition or a contrarian.

Unless you and all of your ideas are absolutely perfect 100% of the time, it is unusual for everyone to agree with you. If they do, is it because they are afraid to tell you what they really think? Are they apathetic? Or have you surrounded yourself with ‘Yes People’ who are too much like you?

It is good to have a voice in the crowd that is different than the voice of the crowd. Push yourself to seek out the thoughts and opinions of people who don’t think like you and don’t agree with you. Form relationships with people who you just don’t understand or who look at you and just don’t get you. It does not mean you are going to become like them or they like you, it means you will be pushed to see things in a whole new light. If you choose someone who is not your target client and they love something you are doing, does that mean it is really good or that you are off base? If the person who is not your target client absolutely hates something you are doing, does that mean your target client will love it? It is definitely excellent food for thought!

At first this can be difficult. After all for many of you it is much more comfortable to surround yourself with agreeable people. And by agreeable too often you mean people who do not rock the boat, do not put up resistance or do not question your ideas. When your ideas are good and solid, they can stand up to resistance and opposition. In fact that is one of the best ways to really think an idea through, ask people to shoot holes in it, before you act on the idea.

It may not always be fun but it is definitely important. The ideas and feedback you receive from people who are your opposite just might give you some of the most valuable insight you will ever receive.

“Oh no, here we go again” thought Joe as his Quality Assurance Analyst Heidi approached him with his memo, complete with typos circled in red ink. He was not really annoyed by Heidi, she was just doing what she does; he mainly felt embarrassed. After all as the leader shouldn’t all of his work be perfect? He tried, he really did, but editing his own writing was just boring to him and not one of his strengths.

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Later that day in his team meeting he watched as Jonathan his Senior Business Analyst did an amazing job in presenting the detailed business requirements for their most recent project. Joe found himself thinking, “Wow I wish I could be that comfortable discussing detailed information in front of an audience.”Of course Joe was being completely human and focusing on his weaknesses and not his strengths.  He was not giving himself credit for the fact that he was one of the best resources around to bring a team together and to facilitate the creation of an implementation plan. He was magnificent at sharing the vision and communicating why an effort was so important to the future of the company. He did an amazing job at looking at the big picture and at foreseeing risks that could impact the project. He just did not thrive in the world of details.

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Too bad Joe did not know about the concept of playing to his strengths. As he sat and watched Heidi coming to him to show him his typos or applauded Jonathan’s skill in discussing detail; Joe was thinking “I should be able to do that.” The truth is Joe does not have to be able to do everything perfectly. That is a myth that will do nothing but bring Joe grief.  Instead of worrying about his imperfections Joe should play to his strengths. His team respects and admires him because of his strategic nature. He brings them and all of their various details together and helps them see where it all belongs in relationship to the big picture. He keeps them moving when they get bogged down in the details.

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Joe is lucky; he just does not see it yet. Why is he lucky? He has two people on his team who happen to possess strengths where he does not. What a terrific opportunity to allow others to leverage their strengths. Heidi is not finding Joe’s typos to torment him, she truly enjoys editing.  Jonathan is the perfect go-to resource to present detailed information. Joe and Jonathan could even co-present, Joe doing the lead in and the wrap up while Jonathan dives into the details.

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You would think a strategic thinker like Joe would understand this. But like the rest of us Joe is human. He was probably taught to work harder at the things he did not do well. A smarter approach would be to get even better and stronger at the areas where you naturally excel. These also tend to be the areas where you enjoy working. For example, Joe hates writing detailed memos. He can’t wait to be finished. He enjoys speaking to groups but does not like to get into the low level details. He does some of these things because he is convinced that he must. Yet as we can all see there is another way.

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If Joe played to his strengths and partnered more or delegated tasks where he did not excel to others, the work would still get completed. Joe would not be shirking his duties and he would still be a good leader. In fact he would be an even better leader.

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It is easy for us to see this in Joe and to discuss what Joe needs to do. Now what about YOU? Are YOU Playing to YOUR Strengths?

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For more information on leveraging your strengths investigate “Strengthsfinder 2.0” by Tom Rath or see the many excellent works by Marcus Buckingham. Both have excellent resources available for you to further your learning on how playing to your strengths can make a huge difference in your life.