Keeping the Peace Podcasts
Peace and professionalism can co-exist! Remember that the time and effort you spend at work impacts every aspect of your life, so you MUST MAKE IT COUNT!
These podcasts have been designed to help you come to peace with the difficult people and situations you face in the workplace. It is all about allowing yourself to handle conflict and emerging calm, cool and collected.
Look, you ARE going to experience conflict at work. It is how you deal with it that shapes who you are as a professional and as a person.
It is OK to be human at work and these quick messages are meant to reinforce your ability to bring humanity to the office and thrive because of it.
In turn you will become an example to others and together we can all have peace at work.
Episode 77: Don’t Be a Fair Weather Colleague You have a list of colleagues you trust when the going gets tough. These are the people you know will be there when you need them. They are dedicated and will stick with it when problems surface. Then there is that other list, the list of people who only show up when things are good. These are the fair weather colleagues. They are fun at celebrations and invisible when the hard work takes place.
Episode 76: Are you a Good Co-Worker? As a customer you have a responsibility to be a good customer. At work you have a responsibility to be a good employee and a good co-worker.
If you are a good co-worker, you are likely to receive better services from your colleagues than others.
Episode 75: Want Success? Help Others First Some people become so focused on themselves and their own needs that they forget about the people around them. What does it mean to help others succeed, to put them first? It’s not about washing the boss’ car or always bringing him or her lunch. It’s about serving others.
Episode 74: 3 Tips for Separating the People from the Problem You have heard it discussed as a key component of Principled Negotiations. You have heard it discussed as an important part of problem solving and conflict resolution. Separate the people from the problem. It makes sense, right? It is so easy to say. If it were easy to do, we would all do it all of the time.
Episode 73: He is NOT the BOSS Share the spotlight, work with the best; who knew leadership lessons were to be found at a Bruce Springsteen concert?
Episode 72: Principled Negotiations Do not be too hard and do not be too soft, be both! Soft on the people and hard on the problem. Be principled.
Episode 71: Authenticity, Self-Awareness and Courage Quick, think of someone who you consider to be truly authentic. Now why is it that you call them authentic? I bet they have the courage to be themselves.
How do they do that?
Episode 70: Causing a Scene Every day you have the opportunity to be the director of your own ‘Life of a Team Member’ movie. Is this a drama, a comedy or a tragedy or an action adventure film? You write the script with your behaviors – you tell me!
Episode 69: Conflicting Priorities? Mitigate Yourself When you are faced with conflicting priorities does it bring out your beast instead of your best? Take note and mitigate yourself so that your conflict does not rule your behavior and damage your professional reputation.
Episode 68: Mitigate The Risk Called You Sometimes your behaviors support you and sometimes they do not. The key is to identify the supporting behaviors or opportunities so that you can use them more and to identify the behaviors that are damaging or the threats so that you can learn to prevent them. Easy to say, not always easy to do.
Episode 67: YOU are a Risk – Each day you bring strengths and weaknesses to work. You walk into the room (virtual or otherwise) with what makes you unique. Or as the saying goes, wherever you go there you are.
Episode 66: Giving – I know you, you are a giver. How do I know this? It is a common theme shared by my community members. You might not even KNOW the ways in which you give.
Episode 65: The Problem with Problems -You know that things do not always go smoothly. Why be surprised when issues arise, when instead you can be prepared when issues arise?
Episode 64: Where are You Coming From? -Have you ever looked at someone and thought, “I have no clue what this person is talking about.” Maybe you even have specifically thought, “Where is this person coming from?” You were not questioning their place of origin. What you were questioning was their perspective.
Episode 63: Your Boss is Human -Does the person you work for EVER get on your nerves? I bet they do. And perhaps sometimes the requests they make of you just do not make sense. Other times, their requests may make sense, but their timing is all wrong. Sometimes they get upset over seemingly small details. Of course none of your team ever says this about you, right? Remember, ‘bosses are people too’.
Episode 62: How to Be Wrong -When was the last time you were wrong about something? Next question, when was the last time you were wrong about something and you admitted it to someone other than yourself?
Episode 61: Decisions, Decisions -Do you have a go-to decision making style? I bet you do. Listen in as we consider how to make decisions with Tom, Jacob and Marilyn as our guides.
Episode 60: That Was a Decision, Really? -If you make a decision but nobody knows you made the decision, does it still count? This is the ‘decision making’ version of “If a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it, does it still make a sound?” I am not talking about personal decisions about your own private matters, I am talking about decisions we make when leading teams. Does your team know when you are making a decision?
Episode 59: Please, Make a Decision -By not exhibiting decision making skills, Tom lost control of the team. He changed his role from that of a true leader to more of a coordinator.
Episode 58: Stop Wasting Time -There you are in line at the grocery store or the hardware store or the bank. Maybe you are on hold waiting for a customer service representative or waiting for a meeting to begin. You have time on your hands, what do you do with that time?
Episode 57: Hairs Looking at You Kid -Have you ever had an embarrassing meeting moment? Here is one involving a nervous project manager and CIO with a bad toupee.
Episode 56: Avoid Communication Chaos -We have so many different ways to communicate with one another. We can pick up the phone and call using either a land line or a cell phone; we can send an email or a text using our computers or our various handheld devices and we can ‘tweet’ and ‘friend’ and make all kinds of connections AND we can still send a written note on an actual piece of paper. Does having all of these options make communications easier? Not necessarily. Sometimes we still experience communication chaos.
Episode 55: Off Your Game -We all have off days. When you have yours will your co-workers understand or will they go for your throat? You do help determine their response.
Episode 54: Feeling the Shift -Sometimes when shift happens it is a good thing. It is that peaceful feeling you get when you reach a difficult decision, you become comfortable with a situation which has been troubling you or you let go of something from the past and finally leave it in the past. That’s the kind of shift we want.
Episode 53: Likeability -That which makes someone likeable or easy to like, easy to be with, considered pleasant to be around. Being likeable is a skillset. Look at the word like-ability. See? It means you have the ability to be liked. Ability is something you can cultivate it is not an all or nothing trait.
Episode 52: Please Interrupt Yourself -Most of us are taught that interrupting people is rude, but sometimes interrupting ourselves is the most intelligent and thoughtful thing to do.
Episode 51: Narrow Your Focus -When I think about all of the different causes I could join I start feeling overwhelmed. There is so much to do! If we all chip in, if we all focus on the cause that matters the most to us and we do whatever we can to further that cause, it will work out.
Episode 50: It’s OK to Change Your Mind -Changing your mind is part of being a leader. Your team needs to see you make decisions and your team needs to see you change those decisions when it is appropriate to do so. A leader who stands up in front of the team and says, “You know, this is the decision I made, but I now see that decision needs to be reconsidered.” That is a leader to be admired.
Episode 49: The False Deadline -I have to confess that there have been some years when I was happier than usual to close the door on the old year and get started with the new one. Somehow in my mind I created a belief that once I made it through to the end of the year whatever it was that I was allowing to tire me out would be over. Anytime I fall into this type of thinking I am really falling prey to a false deadline.
Episode 48: Be Skeptical But Learn to Listen -Words, words everywhere. How are you supposed to know the truth behind all of the words? Well part of the how is using doubt, being skeptical. The other part is using doubt and listening together. It works like this; first listen to what people are saying to you. Then use doubt to go beyond the words. That means, don’t take the words at face value, it does not mean tell your friends, family and co-workers that you think they are liars.
Episode 47: Be Skeptical -Be skeptical but learn to listen. This seems like an interesting agreement to use in navigating today’s world. By agreement I mean a treaty or contract that you have made with yourself. Whether you acknowledge it or not you use agreements in each aspect of your life – personal and professional. You believe that you cannot write or that you cannot handle stress. These are agreements and based on them you make decisions.Let’s focus on how being skeptical can help you. If you have ever been involved in any kind of testing or auditing you know the value of healthy skepticism. You know what the product or process you are reviewing is supposed to do and a good test will reveal the truth. That is what you are looking for, the truth. And in using be skeptical but learn to listen, you are looking for the truth. The truth about yourself.
Episode 46: The Big Cover Up -When you tell a lie and you begin to treat your lie as the truth you are damaging your most important relationship; your relationship with yourself. And that lie becomes part of you, next time it is easier to lie (that is not a good thing) and instead of learning from your mistakes you cover them up. YOU know that you are lying. One lie leads to another and then to another.
Episode 45: Charity Begins at Work -You may have heard the saying, “charity begins at home”. The idea is that before you take care of others you take care of those who are closest to you first. Today I would like to propose to you an updated version of this expression, one for our professional lives – “charity begins at work.”
Episode 44: What Could Happen? -If you do X, what is the worst thing that could happen? Now, what is the best thing that could happen? Are you prepared for both scenarios? These are three simple questions to ask yourself when you are trying to make a decision.
Episode 43: YOUR Time -Question, what is the resource that you cannot acquire more of? Do you think it is money? Do you think it is a specific type of skilled labor or a certain type of raw material? NO! The answer is T-I-M-E, TIME!
Episode 42: It is NOT Just the Language -Sometimes we lose the message because we don’t use the same terms or come from the same background. Sometimes we lose the message because we speak at or across one another. Can we ever really communicate?
Episode 41: Surfing the Net for YOU -Have you ever heard or read the term narcissurfing? Narcissurfing is a word which came into use over the past few years and is used to described someone who ‘Googles’ themselves to see where they appear and what is being said about them. Frequently narcissurfing is used with negative implications. Nobody wants to be called a narcissist. Yet there is absolutely a benefit to ‘Googling’ yourself. Remember knowledge is power.
Episode 40: 3 Ways to Deal with Differences -”There are three ways of dealing with difference: domination, compromise, and integration…”. This quote from Mary Parker Follett illustrates three of the most common ways to handle conflicts. What does this mean to us? Find out in this quick podcast and food for thought.
Episode 39: Are YOU Playing to YOUR Strengths? -Where should you spend your time, improving your weaknesses or getting even better at your strengths? Your strengths will carry you farther, your weaknesses will drain you of your energy. Go with your strengths.
Episode 38: Would the REAL You Please Stand Up? -When we meet in-person our style may differ from when we are on the phone which differs from when we write an email. But if each type of communication comes across as-if they come from an entirely different person, that is a problem. In fact this creates unnecessary conflict. This does not have to happen to you.
Episode 37: Things to Do Today: Ask for Help -If any of my early supervisors had asked me how I was going to do my work. They would have known I needed some assistance. Although I never seriously messed anything up, my inability to ask for help certainly cost the company time and money. Of course I could have been learning much more quickly by asking others for help too. Yet I was so convinced that if I admitted I did not know how to do something I would be in big trouble. Silly me, I let fear call the shots.
Episode 36: Be Happy Now -What is standing between you and happiness? Some people will tell you their life is OK right now, but it is going to be so much better. They have an entire list of what needs to happen for them to be happy. Why delay being happy to some future moment based on some future goal? You have the choice and you can be happy now!
Episode 35: What Difference do Differences Make -You have worked side-by-side with your team for quite some time and the good news is that it has been truly enjoyable. You assumed it was because you had so much in common. It is not uncommon for people to assume that the people they are surrounded with are like them and share the same belief systems. Especially when you get along so well. Imagine your shock and surprise when you find out that you are the only person on your team who votes (you can fill-in-the-blank here) or that not everyone believes in (you can fill-in-the-blank here too). How can this be? How can these people that you get along with so well be so different?
Episode 34: Bringing it ALL to Work -YOU are not one dimensional. You have strengths and weaknesses, preferences for food, for music, for how or if you express your spirituality and goals for your personal and your professional life. When you walk into a room, most of you bring ALL of this into the room with you. You can’t help it, all of these aspects (and more) are what make you, well YOU.
Episode 33: All That People Stuff -When would a project manager really have time for all this people stuff like stakeholder analysis and learning team member likes and dislikes? Won’t I be too busy managing the project and working on the schedule and budget? You know, doing the real work?
Episode 32: Collaborate that Conflict Away -This is the story of how collaborating save a team time and energy. Collaborating is an excellent approach to use when you want to find an approach that satisfies the concerns of both parties. Collaborating involves working together to understand each other’s needs and perspectives so that together you can find creative solutions.
Episode 31: Fight Fair Here’s How -The time has come. You have a conflict and it cannot and must not be avoided. Not everyone agrees on the solution and arriving at an approach that moves you and the team forward is absolutely necessary. Now what?
Episode 30: Don’t Give in Without a Fight -Sometimes conflict cannot be avoided and that is not a bad thing. When you and your team or you and a colleague resolve a conflict together, you build a better working relationship. When I say to you, ‘Don’t give in without a fight’; I don’t mean go have an ugly nasty altercation. I mean don’t give in because it feels easier or you think it is the peaceful thing to do.
Episode 29: Can’t We All Just Get Along? -No we can’t always all just get along. Sometimes too much getting along is a bad sign. A team who can disagree and work through it is a stronger team. A team who silently disagrees is courting disaster.
Episode 28: Make YOUR OWN Paradise -It’s easy to be in good mood when you are in paradise. Sure our environment shapes our mood, but it is still a state of mind.
No matter where you are you can decide to make your own paradise.
Episode 27: Stop the Shoulding -Do you do things because you SHOULD do them or because you WANT to do them? I wonder, what is causing us more conflict, the things other people tell us we should do or the ‘shoulding’ that we do to ourselves? You don’t need to carry around any more ‘shoulds’; I bet you have plenty of them already. So c’mon STOP SHOULDING ON YOURSELF!
Episode 26: 5 Tips to Keep the Peace this Holiday -Here it is again, another holiday season! Do you love this time of year or do you dread it? Perhaps your feelings are a bit mixed. Your holiday experience can be really upsetting, tiring and stressful OR your holiday season can truly be one of peace and joy. The choice is up to YOU.
Episode 25: 3 Ways EQ Helps with Conflict Resolution – Getting along well with others also means that you can face conflict with the people around you and keep those relationships intact. Think about it, your EQ or emotional intelligence is a conflict resolution tool! Here are 3 ways that your EQ helps you resolve conflict.
Episode 24: The Five Conflict Resolution Modes – When you understand how you handle conflict, you can begin to understand when your approach is effective and when it is not.
There are five conflict handling modes and one of these is your preferred mode. Listen now to learn about these five modes and identify your mode.
Episode 23: How Am I Supposed to Do That? – Here are six great tips for treating people with compassion. Yes other people’s behavior is about them. But how are we supposed to really remember this in the real world? Especially when someone is right in my face and I just want to yell at them?
Episode 22: How a Cup of Coffee Can Ruin Your Day – Impatience does arise when our reality does not match our expectations. When faced with impatience and frustration you can become angry or you can accept the situation for what it is.Know that accepting your current situation does not mean to be a door mat.
Episode 21: The Face of Conflict – It is easy to blame a conflict on an external force (another person, an event beyond your control). But the reason you are experiencing conflict is because you are not reconciled with your role. It really is important for you to know the true nature of any conflict you are facing.
Episode 20: Conflict and You – Since you and your co-workers are not intellectual and emotional clones of one another, conflict is inevitable. Conflict is a natural byproduct of our environment. How will you handle conflict?
Episode 19: Knowledge and Wisdom – “Knowledge is learning something new every day. Wisdom is letting go of something every day.” –Zen Proverb Why is this easy to say, but not always easy to do?
Episode 18: Be Honest About Your Boundaries – Is this you? You start working for somebody new and you want to make a good impression. Maybe you start carrying your BlackBerry with you everywhere and you answer them all night and all weekend. Every time they send you something, you answer them whether or not you are on call. The next thing you know you feel like you are always on the job and you are tired and annoyed. What can you do to avoid this mess?
Episode 17: Next Time YOU Make a Mistake – Most of you are your own worst critic. So when you make a mistake you are much harder on yourself than you would be on anyone else. It is completely normal to be disappointed with yourself, but the longer you beat yourself up the longer it takes for you to regain your confidence. So please give yourself a break.
Episode 16: You are Doing Your Best – You go into work and you give it your all. Sometimes your all produces different results. You are doing your best. Your best is different every day. At any given time you can only do your best. When you know you really did your best you can just skip the part of your day when you beat yourself up because you are not perfect. You are going to have an off day.
Episode 15: Don’t Assume a Thing – Don’t make assumptions. It sounds simple, but it is not. Most of us make assumptions every day. We make assumptions about the driver of the car in front of us, about the people we live with and about the people we work with. By doing this we cause ourselves all kinds of unnecessary trauma and drama.
Episode 14: It’s Not Personal – Your self worth and your self definition need to come from within you, not from others. You decide who and what you are.When you can really do this, you stop taking responsibility for the words and actions of others. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?
Episode 13: Be Impeccable with Your Word – Words are a very powerful tool. Expressing our thoughts as words is one of the strongest powers we possess as human beings. And when you think about what you really own and what you really control in life, it all comes back to you. You own your thoughts; you own your behaviors and your words express your thoughts. In fact what you say compared to what you actually do is one of the ways in which people form an opinion about the real you.
Episode 12: What is an Agreement? – You have agreements that you have made with yourself. These agreements come from the beliefs that you have adopted throughout the course of your life. The beliefs that you accept become part of your character. If you agree or accept the belief that you are the family trouble maker, then you will make causing trouble part of who you are. So why not make new agreements with yourself? Agreements that support the real you.
Episode 11: Creatures of Habit – It is true, our habits define us. Most of what we do and say each day is habitual. When you wake up a large part of your day is already defined and you simply follow your routine. This is not necessarily a bad thing, unless your habits are not serving you well.
Episode 10: Garbage In, Garbage Out – Learning is like rowing upstream: not to advance is to drop back. ~Chinese Proverb. Once you get used to exercising your mind, you will look forward to something a bit more substantial. It will become second nature to you to seek learning opportunities. And you will be that interesting person, the person who is well informed and has unique perspectives and whose company is sought by others.
Episode 9: The Company you KEEP – Have you ever considered the impact that the people you spend time with have on you, your outlook and your success? The wrong people drain your energy and stomp on your dreams. The right people help you feel inspired and motivated.
Episode 8: YOU are Your Environment – Look around you, what is your work space saying about you? Does your work space support who you want to be? When you sit at your desk and work, does your work space help you feel relaxed and able to face the challenges of the day or is it stressing you out?
Episode 7: What Generation Gap – People who come from different generations don’t sound like people from other generations. They are not supposed to sound like other generations. This is a good thing! We need variety and we need the change and the values and different ways of thinking of all generations.
Episode 6: You are Not Your Job – Your job is part of a multi-faceted you. You define the work; the work does not define you. This is why when we meet people who in theory all do the same job; we still have a different experience with each of them. It is because each individual brings a bit of themselves to the job. Don’t you think this is a good thing?
Episode 5: It’s Not a New Year – You have probably heard or seen the expression, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” it does not matter who said it or how many times you have heard it. What does matter is how you apply this to your life and to your professional relationships. IIf you keep approaching them in exactly the same way, what do you think is going to change?
Episode 4: Covering the Earth with Leather – What does that mean, to try to cover the surface of the earth with leather? And who would do that anyway? You can try to spend your life controlling the people and situations around you so that you never get hurt. But trying to control all of the people and experiences around you is as useless as trying to cover the earth with leather.
Episode 3: When to Be Aggressive – Is an aggressive communication style always bad? To be flexible with your communication style means to acknowledge that each communication style has value. So an aggressive style is NOT always bad and is often very necessary.
Episode 2: Changing and Loving It – Have you been accused of not being change ready? Perhaps people think you are inflexible? You can learn to embrace change, it really is about you and your perceptions.
Episode 1: Good Times Vs. Bad Times – Some people say if it were not for the bad times we would never appreciate the good times. Is that really true, or do we just say that to make ourselves feel better?